"Why The Gays Hate Their Bodies"

Homme Maker, is a regular read on my blog roll and recently Homme Marker's author, Orlando Soria, posted an article called "Why The Gays Hate Their Bodies." I read the humorous post when he first published it and pretty much agreed with what he wrote, but thought little about it. Until a few days later when I started to be bombarded with Facebook feeds sharing a link to Soria's post and a related Gawker article written in response. After reading Louis Peitzman's Gawker article, I felt compelled to respond.

Why The Gays Hate Their Bodies

Soria, a gay man living in LA working in the interior design biz (one may recognize him from HGTV's Secrets of a Stylist with Design Star winner, Emily Henderson) writes his post from the perspective of a former fat kid. A perpective I can completely relate to, having been a former fat kid and a former husky young adult. He also writes from the perspective of a gay man, another perspective I relate to. Soria says:

I tend to be the chunkiest person around and I’m not even fat. Sometimes I appreciate it because it inspires me to keep in shape and think of kale as an acceptable meal replacement. All of this will lead to me living a longer, healthier life, aside from the mental anguish that comes with not having perfect abs. 

He goes on to list reasons why The Gays hate their bodies. Here's some examples: Because we are surrounded by images of perfect bodies. Because we compare ourselves with our partners. Because all our friends look like Ken Dolls. Because we have nothing better to do. etc.

When you surround yourself with friends that have amazing bodies, like Soria, you're compelled to try to keep up, gay or straight. However, in gay culture we are obsessed with the male body. Gay men work on their appearance to attract other men, and when they find a partner, boyfriend, hook up, whoever, one can't help to compare their body to the boy lying in bed next to them. A straight man, doesn't roll over to look at his wife, girl friend, hook up, whoever, and think, How do my pecks compare to her boobs? It's comparing apples and oranges. In a gay man's world it's all apples. And who doesn't go for the best looking apple in the bunch?

It's not limited to the Ken doll, muscular, fit type that Soria singles out. Gay culture is filled with sub groups, divided by body type, there's cubs, bears, twinks, and wolf (just to name a few); all given their title based on their body type. If you're not the right weight or have the proper amount of body hair you can't be apart of the club.

I've struggled with my body image and weight regularly throughout my 25 years of life. I'm 6'2" and 140 lbs. I lost 50 lbs about a year ago and have never been happier. But I sometimes feel that I don't look right. I'm not muscular enough to be the gay man Soria compares himself to. But I also don't fit into any of those sub groups. I'm too hairy to be called a twink, too thin to be called a bear, and not hairy enough to be called a cub. I feel like in the world of The Gays, I have no group to fit into. If I found myself trying to be a part of these communities, I think I would most definitely hate my body and myself. Which is what I think Peitzman's Gawker article is trying to to say.

However, Peitzman writes from the perspective of an angry, "significantly overweight by medical standards" gay man. Who allows his bitterness to get in the way of making commentary that isn't clouded by emotions about his appearance. He blames Soria as being partly responsible for the self hate that many gay man feel about their bodies. "If we keep letting Soria and his army of sculpted gods take all the attention, it only further skews the notion of what it means to be a happy, healthy gay man."

But it's not Soria that's taking all the attention and skewing "the notion of what it means to be a happy, healthy gay man." Happy people don't write angry articles about an independent bloggers feelings about being a gay man. And healthy people aren't "significantly overweight by medical standards." Peitzman's response to a tongue and cheek post reveals the how accurate Soria's post really is.

It has taken me a long time to understand what happiness and healthy is and I'm not claiming to know any secrets. But I do know it's hard to have one without the other. Happiness isn't something one is given, or is developed by working out one's biceps. Healthy isn't being a muscle god or being rail thin either. Heathy is being comfortable in one's body. Happy people like themselves from the inside out and I truly believe one makes their own happiness. If the end goal is to be accepted, start with ones' self.